I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
