i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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