haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
