Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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