i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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