If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
