the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
