I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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