i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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