I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
