whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
