its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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