How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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