Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
