Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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