so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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