i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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