How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
