I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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