We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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