You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
