The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
