this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
