watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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