Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
