Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
