what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
