so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
