you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
