Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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