Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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