shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
