you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
