Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
