I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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