Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
