my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
