At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
