Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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