I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
