hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
