I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
