after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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