Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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