I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
