why didn't you poke me back
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
