I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
