I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
