You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everything about him screamed your future.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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