barbara walters just said penis...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
