WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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