can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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