Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
