Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
