He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
