I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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