Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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