Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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