I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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