so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
