You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
