I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
