and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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