Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
