I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Plan B is the new Plan A
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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